From lark_w@efn.org Fri Jan 26 03:08:27 GMT 1996 Article: 4527 of alt.tv.my-s-c-life Path: news.demon.co.uk!demon!tank.news.pipex.net!pipex!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.uoregon.edu!mars.efn.org!usenet From: lark_w@efn.org (Lark) Newsgroups: alt.tv.my-s-c-life Subject: My so-Called Chickent Date: 25 Jan 1996 21:39:35 GMT Organization: Eugene Free Net Lines: 416 Message-ID: <4e8tan$ds0@mars.efn.org> NNTP-Posting-Host: dynip08.efn.org Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: Text/Plain; charset=US-ASCII X-Newsreader: WinVN 0.99.7 Hi gang! Haven't posted in a while, and guess what? I'm not really posting now. :-) This is a forward from the mailing list. A few months ago, we got on this big, extended kick of trying to answer the question "Why did the chicken cross the road?", using MSCL as our guide. What follows is a condensed summary of all the submissions in this category by mailing list afficionados. Hope you all enjoy it! Lark -------------fwd----------------------- Return-Path: owner-so-called@netcom.com From: Eminento@aol.com Date: Wed, 17 Jan 1996 15:50:43 -0500 To: so-called@imajica.com Subject: Condensed Chicken Soup Here's the essence of Ashley's lovable chickens, with all but the punchlines and the sponsors omitted (along with two duplicates) for easy reading. Thanks to Ashley for many, many special laughs this fall! Eminento ********************************************************************** From: AngelaChs1@aol.com To: so-called@imajica.com Subject: All Those Chickens Well, it took me awhile, but I finally finished the finale of "All Those Chickens". It includes every single chicken ever posted in the ever popular "Daily Chickens" that I used to do. Thanks to DavidRapp@aol.com for coming up with the first ones ... WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? "Here's a thought--ask the chicken!" ... Ashley (AngelaChs1@aol.com) and Crimson Glow hair dye! "Because it's, like, public property!" --Brian ... Scott (SCOTT.HENRY%MSFC14PO@x400gw.msfc.nasa.gov), and the letters M, S, C, and L!!! "To get out of its period of prolonged latency!" --Bob Krakow ... (lark_w@efn.org), and Big Guy Burger :-) "Because there was this really cute guard there!"--Rayanne Graff ... Wyndi (IamTopKnot@aol.com), and the Liberty High Cafeteria ... THE place to go, if you're hungry for lard "Because the other side was so beautiful, it hurt to look at it." --Angela ... Wilson Roberto Alfonso (wilson@nutec.com), and the Chase Family Cat "I mean, when did chickens learn to cross the road? Was I like, absent that day?" "You know I was!" --Brian and Rickie ... Ali (adyke@morgan.ucs.mun.ca), and The Pleasure Center! Because the other side of the road had a better time slot! ... Jefferson (jfmorris@CapAccess.org), and The Light A Candle Foundation :-) "Was that your chicken or my chicken?" --Angela to Jordan ... Lark (lark_w@efn.org), and the Liberty High School Pirates "Who cares about your stupid chicken problem? This is my *life*!" --Rickie ... Phil (P.W.Glanville@soton.ac.uk) and Rayanne's Lollys "Because Tino wanted to make Rayanne some Kung Pao Chicken...." ... Liz (NGE@cgs.edu), and the Liberty High School Boiler Room! :-) "Because it did an undefendable thing!" --Jordan with help >from Brian ... Jon Bundy (JBUNDY@ATHENA.HOOD.EDU), and The Charlie Grace Show!!! :-) "Are you a friend of this chicken? Then act like it. ... Watch out for her eggs once she crosses the road." --The Cop ... Steve Reed, jsreed@interaccess.com, and Wood and Jones Printing!!! "These, uh, chicken jokes. They're made up, right?" --Jordan ... Adam Atkinson (ghira@mistral.co.uk / etlaman@etlxdmx.ericsson.se), and Angela's Sweater! "Forget this chicken. I can't think about some crappy chicken. My life sucks too much." --Jordan ... Mary Sprowl (msprowl@midori.mti.sgi.com) and the book, "Anne Frank: A Diary of a Young Girl"!!! It was looking for Tino. ... gabby (raindog@iquest.net), and The World Happiness Dance! Whoever told you that chickens cross roads ? Boy arent ya a lil dumb ... you shoulda known by now that chickens only cross hens!!! ... psubbu (psubbu@optimasw.com), and in memory of Nicky Driscoll Angela Voice-Over: "My mom gave me this chicken talk when I was 12, and I don't think anyone--me, my mom, or the chicken--ever got over it." ... JSRS (silberj@odo.msoe.edu) and Sharon's poem, "Haiku For Him"! "Didn't the chicken work at Big Guy Burger?" ... SBrancolini@air-dc.org and Freedom Dance Beds Inc.!!! Because Patty said "Grow up, choose a side!" ... CB Hamlyn (CHAMLYN@student.champlain.edu) and Danielle's Report on Crustaceans!!! Because it was running away from the Chases' cat! ... BeccILY@aol.com and Louie's, where people go to ... you know ... hang out! "The wallpaper in my room doesn't line up in one corner. It's, like, destroying the chicken." --Brian Krakow ... Sarah (SDB22@aol.com) and -- maybe you know him -- Mike, in Boulder, Colorado ... !!! "Because his mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun... and because... the chicken's not just a fantasy. He's got like... flaws. He's... real." ... Greg (gregork@pipeline.com) and Golden Grahams :-) "This chicken has been a test. If it had been an actual chicken it would have been given instructions on where to go and what to do." ... Marc Sobel (msobel@metronet.com) and Between Names! To get the 33 albums that UB40 has sold worldwide!! ... Brian (RXRC67D@prodigy.com) and Sesame Street!!! "He couldn't ... and for your information, the chicken is a lush. He's a drunken lout." --Graham ... Brian (RXRC67D@prodigy.com) and It-hurts-to-look-at-you Eye Drops!!! To get away from Graham, who was approaching with a bottle of spicy mustard and a hungry look on his face! ... Vicki (tziaveli@cs.unca.edu) and the number 9, as in 9:00 every Saturday :-) Because Jordan threw a chair at it! ... Robert Church (churchr@agora.rdrop.com) and Plymouth, your "shelter from the storm"! "You don't get it! It's expected! It's what you're supposed to do ... unless you're like, abnormal." --Jordan ... Lanie (RMB8392@ACS.TAMU.EDU), and Ruffles Potato Chips because that's what I'm eating right now...yummy! AAAAALLLLLRIGHTY THEN ... sorry...I just saw Ace Ventura 2 and I'm still on a Jim Carrey high ... To rescue the mouse that Brian was using in the volumeter experiment!! ... Brian (rxrc67d@prodigy.com) and the band, Residue, playing next week at Club Vertigo!!! It just had to tell Angela that she "couldn't handle the broiler room. Rayanne could, but she (Angela) would be in the soup if she tried to keep things cooking there with Jordan." ... Kurt Ramsey (RAMSEY@ami1.bwi.wec.com) and Liberty High School's Production of "Our Town"!!! Buy your tickets today! He didn't, crossing the road is not covered in the phonics manual! ... Steven (SMCGUIGA@UA1VM.UA.EDU) and Angela's Poem, "A Fable" !!! "Oh please ... that is like SO known!" --Sharon ... Amy (amylam@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca) and Jansport Backpacks!!! Also brought to you by adena (bp138@freenet.Buffalo.EDU), who also mailed me this idea :-) "It's not a chicken, it's a CAT!!" --Sharon ... John (johndu@world.std.com) and The Cold, Cement Basement of Love!!! "Everyone says you should just cross the road - like the road is some definite thing, like a toaster or something. Like you can know what it is, even." --Angela ... Sarah (SDB22@aol.com) and the Violent Femmes! I don't know, but Kevin Bacon was behind it. ... michael (DUNAWAY@JOHNSON.CORNELL.EDU) and my cat, who oddly enough, is nowhere to be found ... hmmm ... "I think we should, like, break into the school and write 'The daily chicken was here' on the gym floor in red lipstick." "That is SUCH a terrible idea ..." :-) --Rayanne and Angela ... ALI (adyke@morgan.ucs.mun.ca) and in memory of Nicky Driscoll (oops -- i think that sponsor was used before ... oh well) Because it found out from the turkey just how much it meant to Graham! ... Liz (NGE@cgs.edu) and The Other Wallpaper!!! "It realized that one day it would come to the end of its eggs." I LOVE this chicken. Don't you love it? Couldn't you just EAT it? Wow. I just discovered the component of weirdness in this situation. Ironic. ... Jason (jpenning@edge.net) and the MSCL Thanksgiving Episode, that never was To erase that extra "L" in Angela's name that Jordan misspelled! ... Brian (RXRC67D@prodigy.com) and Kentucky Fried Chicken :-) Because ... Brian said, "Don't you could get into trouble!" "At least ... at least I'll know I'm alive," replied the chicken. ... Jane Murray (Angeleeka1@aol.com) and Sam's Spicy Mustard !!! Because he egged Tino's car! ... Spaceman Scott (Scott.N.Henry@msfc.nasa.gov), Heckblazer, and The Costume Shoppe!!! "He had a wish, an unconscious wish ..." --Catalano/Brain Duo ... Scott (scott@sutmyn.com) and Fresh Step Kitty Litter!!! "The roads you do or do not cross are, like, so none of my business. They have nothing to do with our friendship." --Angela ... Sarah (SDB22@aol.com) and by the compliments of "The Poll" "It is always the same. But you cross because you think, you know, maybe something cool will happen. 'Cause what if something did happen, and you missed it?" --Jordan A very good chicken, I might add ... ... RMB8392@ACS.TAMU.EDU and CK One ... a fragrance by Calvin Klein. I also received this idea from Donald G. Palmgren (dpalmgre@gac.edu) "Just tell the chicken not to cross the road in a towel, okay?" --Graham ...ASHLEY (AngelaChs1@aol.com) and Angela, Rayanne, Rickie, Jordan, Brian, Sharon, Patty, Graham, and Danielle :-) Because its eraser, like, wouldn't erase. ... Tai Palmgren (dpalmgre@gac.edu) and America Online...Welcome! Because it knew it was time to grow up and choose a side. ... Lark (lark_w@efn.org) and those Charlie Brown Christmas Specials ... those are great, aren't they? "The chicken has to go where its karma takes it!" --Amber ... Lina (e410corr@cquest.toronto.edu) and the Tarot Card Club of which Angela is a member. Anyone want to join? Because the other side is ... refreshing, isn't it? ... Wyndi, aka Rayanne of the List (IamTopKnot@aol.com) and by Crown Royal, the Whiskey of Champions Brian thought it would make a nice shot for the video yearbook! ... Robert Church (churchr@agora.rdrop.com) and the Cold Cement Basement of Love! So it could go to the video store with Kyle and rent that movie where "Brad Pitt and this wacky babe start, like, going at it in this cheap hotel room." ... Jen (jennymc@bgnet.bgsu.edu) and the ever-dense Kyle who inspired her "This kid at my school crossed the road and he got hit by a truck, like, a Mack truck." --Danielle ... Danielle (MSCL4@aol.com) and that lonely Flapper Dress that everyone hates...! "Why, yes, that is so exactly it, why, because of...respect! Toward elders, which I think is totally lost in like today's world. So, um, what is that road you wanted to cross?" --Angela ... Tai (dpalmgre@gac.edu) and Symbolic Pens ! "Well ... you know." "No, I don't know! That's why I'm asking!" --Graham and Patty ... Sarah (75301.332@compuserve.com) and chicken pot pie :-) Because "That chicken is physically incapable of parking legally." --Graham ... Robert Church (churchr@agora.rdrop.com) and those guys who make snow To get a cup of coffee ... black -- with three or four sugars. ...Vanessa (spide@coyote.csusm.edu) and Tootsie Roll Pops! "Once you've crossed the road once, there's no going back. It's like, expected. It stops mattering if you, like, want to." --Sharon ... Adam Atkinson (ghira@mistral.com / etlaman@etlxdmx.ericsson.se), and "The Bicycle Thief"! "Is there some reason you think I should care about this?" --Brian ... John (johndu@world.std.com) and that old warehouse on Tennessee Ave.! "Wait, I've had this chicken, only without the cold-cuts." --Angela ... Robert Church (churchr@agora.rdrop.com) and that stupid PGE electric company that wouldn't come and fix our power for like, days Because he wanted to spend more time with the dog... and Sharon. HA!!! ...Greg (gregork@pipeline.com) and Camille's Chafing Dish!!! Because of its Aunt, she's, you know, actually in the hospital. ... Jason (jpenning@edge.net) and CHRISTMAS VACATION!!! Yeah! Because it's so easy, even a child could do it. HA! ...Michelle (mkrt@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca) and Skittles bite sized candies: Taste the rainbow of fruit flavor! "Well, I think "cross" is a little strong, but he was definitely going to check out the situation." -- Brian ... Scott MC (scott@sutmyn.com) and that little annoying Energizer bunny ... it keeps going, and going, and going, and going ... AAAAAAHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! sorry ... just in an odd mood today ... hehe :-) "It fell. Like, on its face." --Danielle ... Sarah (75301.332@compuserve.com) and the television show, Stefan's Kitchen! To get some more oregano from Vivian! ... Tai (tpalmgre@gac.edu) and the Sony Walkman! "Well, it might as well cross the road ... since it's not all that busy" --Angela ...Mike T. Henderson (103155.2514@Compuserve.com) and Wood & Jones Printing! Graham: "I just wasn't expecting the chicken to be crossing the road this soon." Patty: "I wasn't expecting it to be crossing ANY road this soon." ... Adam Atkinson (ghira@mistral.co.uk / etlaman@etlxdmx.ericsson.se), and Brian's volu-meter "I don't know. Was it because my breath smelled?" --Kyle Vinnovich ... Lark (lark_w@efn.org) and Tino's Fake I.D.'s !!! Cause it was sort of starved for something that I couldn't give it because I'm only one person. ... Cynthia (Farmer1212@aol.com) and Sunmaid Raisins!!! It found out that apparently it was in the same Karass as Patty, and was hoping to get run over. ... Jason (jpenning@edge.net), and Graham & Hallie's Restaurant!!! "It's actually a fairly straightforward question." --Graham ... John (johndu@world.std.com) and Club Vertigo!!! "It probably went to its cousin. It goes there sometimes" --Rayanne ... Mike (103155.2514@Compuserve) and It-Hurts-To-Look-At-You Eyedrops!!! To get $6.50 that Ricky like, owed it. ... John (johndu@world.std.com) and The Liberty High School Pirates!! Because Mr. Katimski said, "Look, what is holding you back here? That I'm not cool enough? Don't let the fact that your English teacher is a dork stop you from crossing the road." ... This chicken has been brought to you by the wonderful, critically acclaimed drama, My So-Called Life. The chicken will always live in our hearts forever, Ashley ********************************************************************** Alrighty, if you've read this far, then, well you found the special surprise! I have two never-before-posted chickens here that I've kept, and I'd like to share them ... brought to you by Lark (lark_w@efn.org) and John (johndu@world.std.com) -- in that order :-) A-hem ... Why did the chicken cross the road??? Bernice Krakow (overheard talking to the chicken): "Feel free not to respond!" ... and ... Because its mother told it to go to the kitchen and have some fruit. Kudos to everyone who participated....We had a time. And so did the chicken. :-) Ashley The Former Chicken Guru of My So-Called Life